Teenagers and Spirituality 1

TEENAGERS AND SPIRITUALITY

PART 1:

FOUNDATIONAL PRINCIPLES

by Jan Hjalmarsson

 

Introduction

The following document is an attempt to discuss and bring into awareness some of the issues that are involved in the subject "Teenagers and Spirituality". Two of its main purposes are to present possible explanations to the common view that "most teenagers do not seem very interested in spirituality", and to discuss possible ways that can make spirituality a very viable, enjoying, integral and applicable aspect of life for most, if not all teenagers.

The view of life presented by the author is in alignment with the Teachings of the Ascended Masters. In short, these teachings express that all humans in reality are spiritual beings, endowed with a higher Self, a Christ Mind, and are destined to realize their full Christhood in oneness with God by mastering all lessons of life. The term "ego", as used here, means the part of the personality that is not created by God, but instead was created by the individual when it made the choice to identify itself in separation from God. This ego is not the same as the original self-awareness of an individual, or soul, created by God, and must be gradually replaced with the Christ Mind in order for the soul to realize its full divine potential. This process is a fundamental aspect of the spiritual path.

The author recognizes that some spiritual teachings define the term "soul" differently than above. However, for the purposes of this document, the view of the soul as it is presented here will likely serve most readers well, as this is also the traditional view used in most Western teachings. Also, God is recognized to be equally masculine and feminine in nature. However in the context herein, the nature of God is not a main consideration, so God is simply referred to as "He", as is done in most Western teachings.

The first part of this document covers foundational spiritual principles like Unconditional Love and Acceptance, Empathy and the Immaculate Concept, which have to be understood and applied for the benefit of teenagers' spiritual growth, and in order for any successful work in spiritual matters, or interactions in general, to take place with teenagers. Next, the validity and applicability of religion and spiritual teachings for teenagers, as well as for anyone, are discussed, and lastly, specific activities that can be put into practice.

The author does not claim that any of the principles or ideas presented are supported by formal research. On the other hand, in his work with teenagers during 30 years, he has found much evidence that they work in real life. He also acknowledges that everyone can tie in to the infinite wisdom of God already present within, and appeals to the common sense and application of the reader to verify for him- or herself the validity of what is presented.

 

1. Unconditional Acceptance of Who They Are:

— How We Treat Teenagers

Teenagers are in the process of defining themselves in relation to the world and preparing themselves for the independence of an adult life. This is a process of maturing, and gradually leaving the consciousness of being a child behind. This process has a lot to do with their sense of identity, and can therefore sometimes be a cause for confusion. Our role as adults, having passed through this process, is to assist our teenagers in managing the process as successfully as they can. It is not trying to do it for them. They will be successful when they learn to exercise a certain level of control of what is happening in their lives. To be in control, they need to develop and exercise their own (Christ) discernment and view of life. They can do this best if they are encouraged to think independently at the same time as we guide them in life. It is important that we as adults teach them the higher values and principles of life by good example, and provide assistance when needed.

When it comes to their sense of identity, it is essential that teenagers feel completely accepted, respected and supported. We respect that they have free will to define themselves in relation to others and the world as they choose. If they build destructive elements into their sense of identity, they are made aware of this in a supportive way, so that they still feel accepted. It is essential that they get extra praise and encouragement whenever they make constructive choices. We highlight the good so they can focus on that, and work with the not-so-good in a way that they still feel we are "with them". This way they can build as many constructive elements into their sense of identity as possible. If they sense rejection and non-acceptance, these experiences will be included as negative elements in their sense of identity, and they will subconsciously create defense mechanisms to cope with them. These will then act as limitations and will restrict their beliefs of what is possible for them to accomplish in life, possibly for the rest of their lives.

If we are parents, we obviously want what is best for our teenagers. This may include beliefs of what would be an ideal career or education for them to pursue. It is good to encourage them in what we can see could work well for them, and let them know what is available and what advantages there might be in different choices. However, we also have to be careful and not try to impose on them our own wishes, or what we may have in mind for them. They are not supposed to be means of fulfilling our own dreams. They are supposed to fulfill their own highest potential.

Teenagers need to feel valued and honored for their own completely unique way of being. If they do, they can have the strength and confidence to transcend themselves in a positive way — in the direction of Christ consciousness. They can be in a love-based mode of being. If not, their consciousness will gravitate toward a fear-based mode, and they will tend to claim their independence in rebellious ways — in the ways of the ego.

As adults, we want to share our wisdom and insights, including our beliefs and opinions, with the younger generation. This process is fundamental for their learning. At the same time, it's important to realize that teenagers are fully entitled to have their own opinions and beliefs about anything in life. We can only guide and inspire them in these areas, not decide for them. They need to feel that they are understood by us, and that we understand that their thoughts, feelings and opinions are significant as they experience them, and valid from the point of view that they are entitled to have them. They need to feel that they are accepted unconditionally as individuals by us, not depending on whether they agree with us or conform to our opinions.

It is necessary to let them know this clearly. We have to tell them, so that they are completely aware that we respect and honor them. When they are aware that we respect and value them under all conditions, they will dare to open up to us fully, and there can be open and honest communication. When this takes place, we are in an optimum position to deal with the specifics of what is in their minds and bring more light and understanding as necessary, as they are able to grow. When there is open communication, they will be open to our views as well.

While we as adults have the responsibility to impart our own wisdom and experience to the younger generation, it is also essential that we are still giving them plenty of room in finding their own wisdom, with proper guidance and support. Many experiences in life are best gained and internalized by learning from one's own circumstances, experimentation, and by one's own realization. Adults must understand and support this process while it unfolds for our teenagers. Keeping the right balance here between giving advice versus letting them learn by their own mistakes will give them the optimum preparation for the independence of an adult life.

When we discuss how we treat teenagers, that they need to feel accepted, respected and supported, it's important to clarify that this doesn't mean approaching them in a passive or submissive way, or from a position of weakness. On the other hand, they will respect us most when we are strong in Reality, or Christ consciousness. Teenagers respect strength. So, when we approach them, it is often helpful to use eye contact, body language and gestures that show what we mean clearly. We see to it that we really have their attention when we speak with them, and verify it if we are not sure. If we use their name to call them to attention, they understand that we want their personal attention. If they are immersed in some activity, we call their full attention, even if only for a moment. When we ask them questions, or for their opinions, we do so firmly to appeal to their highest discernment of Reality, not to appeal to their carnal mind. Often, they will come to the best understanding if we ask them what is the right thing to do, and they confirm it themselves. When we appeal to their Christ mind, we can often get surprised when finding what level of discernment teenagers can have. Often, all we have to do is to point them to what is Real in their own consciousness.

Acceptance and respect are also sometimes associated with indifference, or the view that things are left as they are. It's important to emphasize that this is not how we treat teenagers, or anyone. In this context, unconditional acceptance rather takes on a quality of "willingness to stand beside, and work closely with, no matter what". We also make many decisions which will involve our teenagers one way or another, and when we do, there are times when we simply tell them what we decide. If there is mutual respect, they will be perfectly fine with that most of the time. If we have defined principles or rules in our work with them, we have to be firm, but still reasonable. If conflicts arise, they have to be resolved so there is mutual understanding.

 

2. The Immaculate Concept: How We See Teenagers

We need to see teenagers (and all people) as spiritual beings, as complete equals to ourselves in God, meaning that they are created by God with infinite worth, potential and destiny, as we all are. We need to value and honor them as such. In an outer sense they are of course less experienced, may not know as well as we do, and may not always know their own best, and this fact will decide the specifics of how we work with them. But they are not inferior to us because they know less or are less experienced, and their thoughts, feelings or thoughts are not less important. There can even be cases where teenagers can be equal to or above adults in spiritual understanding. To see them as complete equals in God is to practice the Immaculate Concept.

Any actions and behaviors committed by teenagers (as by anyone) are completely valid from the point of view that they have been given free will by God to commit them. Whatever they do is a reflection of their consciousness, and is an experiment in life that they can learn from. At the same time, it is our responsibility to guide them in learning which actions and behaviors will be of benefit to them and to others (be in harmony with the universal laws of life), and which will not. In some cases, we may even have to interfere directly with their actions. However, the point is that it is essential that we don't despise others even if they have committed something that may reflect a lower level of consciousness than ours, or what our norms are. Even if a destructive act is committed purposely, there is something to learn from it, namely that there is something in that person that needs to be addressed.

When addressing behaviors and acts committed by other people, it will be to everyone's benefit if we can see it in a larger perspective, and understand that, if we really want to help them, our main concern must be what consciousness causes them to act as they do. When we do this, and they feel our support, they will be much more motivated to listen to what we have to say about what the consequences of their behavior is, and how it affects others. If we just focus on an outer behavior or action as something objectionable, it's less likely that the other person will be motivated to take ownership and responsibility for it, and work with us to resolve the inner conditions causing it to precipitate. Behaviors reflecting lower consciousness are usually not overcome by rejection, non-acceptance or means intended to cover them up, or by pretending they are not there. On the other hand, behaviors are transcended when the individual chooses, often by positive inspiration from another person, to step up a notch in consciousness, from where the limiting condition can be seen clearly for what it is, as something to gladly let go of.

All our interactions with teenagers (and everyone) must reflect the Immaculate Concept, that we all are spiritual beings equal in God. Otherwise we impose an image of belittlement and limitation on them, and thereby on our own consciousness as well. But, even worse, if we have a limited view of them, it will influence us to behave toward them like they are lesser than they really are. That would not be very helpful for their spiritual development. Also, if we think low of them, and believe that they are not capable of much themselves in terms of good behavior etc., and primarily need to be governed by us, we can not avoid projecting this view on them, and they will tend to live up to that image. We will then find that they will need to be more restricted in various ways by outer rules. As we know, rules are sometimes necessary as temporary measures, but restrictions in general don't inspire to growth.

So, we can be of greatest benefit to our teenagers if we always hold them as high as possible in our beliefs, thoughts and feelings, if we envision their highest potential. This is to practice the Immaculate Concept. If our view of them reflects their highest potential as spiritual beings, it will influence us to interact with them in alignment with this view, and it will influence them to live up to this view as well. They will be uplifted and motivated to behave well by their own initiative, and they will rise in consciousness. In addition, we have to have the same view, consistent with the Immaculate Concept, of ourselves, as spiritual beings. This view, both of ourselves and others, will promote the vision of Oneness in Christ among all beings, and will help us to behave toward others in alignment with the Christ consciousness.

This principle of the Immaculate Concept is also consistent with the spiritual law of cause and effect. This law in short determines how our consciousness influences the outer conditions of our lives. We know that positive beliefs, thoughts and feelings will create positive conditions for us that reflect what we create in our minds. And, the reverse is true as well. We are endowed with this power as co-creators with God. It all has to do with energy, that the spiritual energy that we qualify within ourselves will coalesce as outer manifestations reflecting how we qualify our allotted energy. And, whatever we believe, think or feel about another person creates an energy field that will affect them. Sending energies of love to others will lift them up spiritually, and sending negative energies will be a burden to them.

In addition, whatever we send to others will affect ourselves in the same way. For these reasons, it is essential that we are aware of our inner conditions, and employ appropriate spiritual tools that will enable us to master the inner conditions of our consciousness regardless of what takes place in our outer life or how others approach us.

With this in mind, in our interactions with others, we will need to be aware of current levels of consciousness expressed by those we interact with. To benefit others in their spiritual growth we need to accept a mantle of spiritual teacher in any situation when it may be called for. So, if we see a limitation in someone else's belief, opinion, thinking, feeling or action, it is our duty in Christ to seek to help them grow above that condition.

This counts for our relation to ourselves as well. When we perceive a limitation in ourselves, we likewise need to address it if we want to grow spiritually. And, finally, if others point to a limitation in ourselves, we can be grateful for being made aware of that, and thank them, and get to work to remedy the issue. If we have a joyful and light-hearted approach to spirituality, this is not difficult at all. It may very well happen that a teenager can see and point out a limitation in us. In such an event, we can just recognize it and thank them for pointing that out and maybe share our view of it in a humorous way. This will show them the example that there can be an advantage in not taking one's limitations too seriously, while still daring to acknowledge and address them.

 

3. Empathy and Unconditional Love:

— Foundations for Best Assisting Teenagers Spiritually

If a child or teenager is prone to doing what we consider inappropriate, it is possible that this condition colors our view of the person to some extent. We may tend to see them as having a condition that needs to be "fixed", or that they need to get rid of, so that they again can behave as what we consider to be "normal" and acceptable. It is also possible that this view will influence us to have some measure of a non-accepting attitude toward them as a person as well, especially if they are not our own son or daughter. This is the view we have when we see them and their condition from the perspective of our own personal preferences only. Seeing things only from our own perspective is a function of the ego, or the dualistic mind. It can only see things from inside its self-created consciousness of beliefs and opinions.

The spiritual path is about expanding our consciousness to see things outside of our own current personal beliefs and opinions, to see more of ultimate Reality. Ultimate Reality can be defined as everything that is in alignment with the laws that govern this universe, physical and spiritual. Or, it can be defined as everything that is contained in God's consciousness. As co-creators with God we have been given free will to create our own sense of reality (in our own consciousness), which may or may not be in harmony with ultimate Reality.

Whatever elements in our consciousness that are in alignment with these universal laws we can call real, and whatever elements that are out of alignment we can call unreal. The reason we can call them unreal is that they contain erroneous or illusory concepts or beliefs, with the result that they don't apply or work in life as we might think, or that they in some way conflict with the universal laws. However, even the unreal elements, or illusions, in our own consciousness, seem real to us, as long as we accept them as such. So, any person's sense of reality is of a subjective nature, and consists of whatever is in the consciousness of this particular person. It consists of the sum of their entire, self-created world of beliefs, concepts, opinions, thinking patterns, feelings etc.

Now, if we have compassion, or unconditional love, for another being, we are willing to look into their situation as it applies to them, and how it affects them. This includes helping them to work with the elements of their consciousness. In order for us to be motivated to do this, it is important to experience some measure of connection with them. This connection can happen on the human level or at the level of the Christ Self, or in a combination of both levels.

In the first case, we would identify with the elements of their consciousness similarly as they experience them. We would tend to partake of the same types of feelings, thoughts and beliefs as they do. If these elements affect the other person adversely, they would affect us adversely as well. If we assume their beliefs, we would be limited by them the same way as they are, and it would be difficult for us to find a solution that could help them rise above their situation.

This type of connection on the human level, also called sympathy, is not an optimum way to connect to others if we want to help them. It promotes identification with their limitations on the same level as they experience them, and obscures our vision of how to help them overcome these conditions. To be noted, is that teenagers often connect with their peers at this level, and we can understand why they often are not able to give each other efficient help when problems arise.

In the second type of connection, at the level of the Christ Self, we see the other person as another part of God together with us, and we want to help them for this reason. Since there is complete oneness at the level of the Christ Self, between us and the other person, we can clearly see their self-created sense of reality and how it affects them when they share it with us, but not from the level where we partake of the actual conditions of their consciousness, like negative feelings or limited beliefs.

Rather, we are centered in the unconditional love of the Christ consciousness, and we can have the vision (Christ discernment) of how they uniquely can rise above their conditions. We are much better equipped to help them when we are in complete balance and are non-attached. We do not care less for another person at this level of connection compared to the human level, rather we have the capacity to care more, with more compassion, because we are not afflicted by the actual limitations.

For most of us, it will be unrealistic to expect that we can connect with others purely at the level of the Christ Self. As long as we have elements of the ego still in our consciousness, there will be a mix of the two ways of connecting. That is fine, as long as we are aware of what is happening and work toward the highest level of connection possible.

The point of being able to connect with others is that, by so doing, we can have a fair chance of seeing how to deal with things as they are of concern to them. If instead we are still centered in our own relative view of them, and try to give advice based on this view, then we will be much more limited in our options. A self-centered view will also influence us to approach others with the intent of what will be to our own advantage. And, very important, in that case they can (most often) sense that we are not really interested in helping them because we are still centered in our own view of things, and have an agenda of our own. So, we want to rise above a self-centered view. This function, of being able to see things as they are of concern to others, is also called empathy.

Why is empathy important? It is important because it gives us the means to see another person and their conditions (of consciousness or otherwise) without judgment. It is to show complete respect for the fact that they have created what they have, with their own God-given free will, whatever it is. We can accept that this is their sense of reality right now, as they have created it. This sense of reality can not be "fixed" by us trying to impose our values on them, but only if they change their own values and beliefs by their own choice, possibly by being influenced by us in a positive way.

As we know, love is a unifying force. If others feel unconditional love, this quality will serve as a bridge between us and them, and can motivate them to partake of what we have to offer. If it is absent, the connection is closed, and they will not be motivated to be influenced by us. When the quality of love is present, it can also make them bold inside and willing to take a step up to embrace a new higher belief or principle (that either we may invite them to consider, or they may be inspired with from their own Christ Self). This will constitute a real change of their (self-created) sense of reality. Real change to a higher level of consciousness can only come if one's view of and approach to life is based on love, and not on fear. Love can still be expressed in a very firm way. But coercing others to agree with us in words or action forcefully by persuasion or intimidation will in most cases not produce a real change of their values or beliefs to be in agreement with ours. Even if it would, their free will would be violated if we would use such means to force them to change themselves.

If we show a non-judgmental view of others' conditions, they will be much more likely to listen to us and acknowledge them, and be willing to take responsibility for them. Taking ownership of an existing condition is an essential step that an individual must take before they can change or work on it. It means bringing it up to full, conscious awareness. If this is done, the individual can deal with it, and make the conscious choice to transcend, or let go of it. On the other hand, if we present a judgmental, or condescending view of others' conditions, they will be less willing to look at them, and take ownership of them. In that case, an existing condition will still stay to some extent below the surface of conscious awareness, and the individual will not be able to fully deal with it.

It is important to clarify that acceptance of what another being has created in their consciousness does not mean that we see it as a permanent condition. Nor does it mean that we agree with whether it is right or wrong from a moral standpoint. It does not mean that we will not help them question and challenge it. It means that we accept that it is something that is worth working with for their benefit, in helping them to transcend it, and not as something that can just be covered up, or removed by denying it.

We know that self-transcendence is the essence of spiritual evolution, and while we are willing to look at what is existent now, we also at the same time have the vision of what their potential is, what they can do to overcome what we see as a limitation. This vision is an aspect of the Immaculate Concept, and it is essential that we do what we can to help them rise up to their highest potential.

The qualities of Empathy and Unconditional Love are basic foundational qualities that reside within us, and guide our general approach to anyone, for their maximum spiritual benefit and learning. They enable us to care about others. These qualities do not cause our outer actions to become soft or permissive in nature. On the other hand, it is more accurate to describe Unconditional Love as a unifying, uplifting force that will seek to be of greatest benefit to someone, in whatever way will work best for their spiritual growth. This includes being direct, firm and honest in expression, and at the same time showing understanding, care and loving recognition. This approach will be optimum for another person's learning.

 

4. Spiritual Significance of Connection for Teenagers

Our soul seeks connection with God, our creator. If a soul has lost its conscious communication with God, and can't sense some measure of connection directly with God, it will try to replace it with connection with other (human) beings instead. Connection between human beings is of course a good thing, but being deprived of connection with God may make us attached to other humans as the only means of finding connection, and these means can never give us complete satisfaction. Our soul can never experience complete wholeness by connection with other human beings only, since they are not the creators of our soul, and since they have not yet realized the fullness of God's qualities. Neither is indiscriminate connection between humans wise to pursue from a spiritual perspective, for reasons that were discussed before.

So, the spiritual path is about realizing our connection with God, which happens in steps as we embrace more and more of God's consciousness. This is how we can assist others also spiritually, to help them realize more and more of connection with God inside themselves. However, God is also expressed through us, and to whatever extent this expression can manifest, connection with God and His qualities can also happen through human beings. So, we want to share our (God's) light, and others can experience some measure of connection with God this way as well.

So, when we interact with others, we can invite to connection with them in consciousness by being willing and showing that we are able to look at things as they see them and to share life experiences. There are different levels of commitment when we do this. One level is in communication with words. When we talk with others we demonstrate openness to their views by listening attentively and affirming what they say, without judgment. We are interested in how they are affected by what they encounter in life. When we interact with teenagers, even this level of connection goes a long way in developing trust and respect.

Now, we know that teenagers are mostly more interested in doing things than discussing them. So, a higher level of commitment when it comes to connection, is to do things together. Interest in doing things together with others demonstrates more willingness in sharing, and also in connection, than just talking. Children and teenagers are very aware of this. They consider their real friends to be those who they do things together with. Their friends will also be the ones that they are most open to, both in sharing themselves and when it comes to accepting new views and opinions. They see the views of their friends as more realistic than the views of others, and therefore they are also more open to accepting new views from their friends than from others.

Now, teenagers' friends don't have to be limited to other teenagers. They can have adults as friends also. If we are a parent of a teenager, we may naturally think that being a parent implies being a friend. But that might not have to be the case from their point of view. If we find that our teenage son or daughter doesn't share their deeper thoughts and feelings with us any longer (as they may have done as younger children), then that can be a sign that they don't consider us their friend any longer. One sign of this can be if we don't seem to be able to get their whole-hearted attention anymore, if they are always busying themselves with something else when we approach them. Conditions have come up that have come to restrict their sense of connection with us. We may not think that we are not their friend any longer, but what is important in this consideration is their point of view.

As we know, for teenagers, there is the natural process of claiming their independence from their parents, that we have to be aware of. They will not express dependency on us in the same way as younger children do, and they will use more discernment in what they share. However, if teenagers feel that their parents don't understand them or are willing or interested in looking at things as they do, or really listening to them, or doing things with them, then that will be a cause for alienation from their point of view. So, in that case we will just have to remedy this situation by committing to these things instead of neglecting them, if we want to improve our relationship with them.

The more we grow spiritually, the more connection we can experience with others in general, because we see more of God in others as well as everywhere. This sense of inner connection becomes independent of the outer sense of connection that comes from agreement at the human level of concepts, beliefs, or sameness in outer ways. This sense of connection comes from the Christ consciousness, which experiences oneness with all life in God. We can sense connection even if we don't feel that others are "with us" on the human level. Jesus said "Love your enemies". He could sense connection (in God) with his so-called enemies. In reality, he didn't see anybody as his enemy.

However, most people haven't reached this level yet. So, especially for younger people, and in many cases otherwise too, it is very important for them to sense that someone is "with them" in order for them to sense connection, otherwise they will sense separation. This someone can represent God in a certain measure in that situation. And, when they sense connection, they will be open to accept assistance as well. This is the key for us to be able to assist others in spiritual matters. They will be teachable and open to us when they feel connection with us.

When individuals grow spiritually they will also sense more inner connection with God in themselves, and can gradually dispense with some of their outer ways of finding connection. They will at the same time find a stronger sense of their own independent identity (in God). For example, individuals who feel strong in themselves, can feel at home with their friends even if they wear another style of clothes than the friends do. A person with less inner strength is more dependent on demonstrating outer means of sameness with others in order to feel at home with them.

At the same time as we invite others to connection, we must also be aware that anyone has free will when it comes to approaching another person (in consciousness) or not. So, even if we invite someone to closer connection, they may just reject it. That choice is theirs to make always, and we have to accept it, and we have to respect them for not wanting connection at that time. However, in Christ, we never withdraw our love in general no matter how much rejection we get. Love can be to keep respectful outer distance as well when called for.

We know that the spiritual path consists of becoming spiritually independent in God. So, connection needs to be balanced with independence. This includes becoming independent to connection by any outer means. It doesn't mean that connection with others will end, but that there will be less attachment, or dependency on it. There will be times when it's essential for the soul to be alone in inner communication with God. So, connection with others has to be balanced with becoming spiritually independent.

One important milestone on the spiritual path for teenagers is when they realize the value in becoming spiritually independent. When they are ready, this will include becoming independent of, and not having to experience constant stimulation through the physical senses. So, when we work with teenagers, at the same time as we maintain our connection with them, we also understand that their spiritual growth includes becoming independent. There can be times when, even if they ask for connection with us, we will help them the most if they are encouraged to work something out using their own creativity.

 

5. Spiritual Significance of Challenge and Questioning

With the solid foundation in place of accepting, respecting, seeing, loving, understanding, and connecting with our teenagers in a way that reflects Reality, and that promotes their spiritual growth optimally, we are in the best position to help them question and challenge their own conditions of consciousness that limit them spiritually. These qualities will serve as a bridge between us and them that will be strong enough to support them when we help them deal with these conditions. This foundation will be sufficient for teenagers to feel that we are "with them" rather than "against them" when we help them rise above false beliefs or habits of thinking holding them back, that they may identify themselves with in life. It will also inspire them to strengthen their own connection to their spiritual source, or God.

Examples of false beliefs can be "this person never listens to me", "I am a failure in math", or "It's okay for me (but not for the others) to use our money to satisfy my own pleasures". They are false because they are based on limited premises, and are often generalized beyond actual conditions. The reason another person doesn't listen may very well be because they are not approached respectfully, and would indeed listen if they were. Declaring oneself, or anybody, as a failure, is to draw a premature conclusion. Making exceptions for oneself compared to others is based on the ego's view of its own exclusivity, or sense of separation from others. Actually, most false beliefs are based on the ego's tendency to relieve itself from taking responsibility, which it does by declaring certain conditions as permanent or outside of its control, or by blaming them on others.

The human ego was created by the individual when it decided that it wanted to define itself as a being that is separate from God when it comes to its sense of identity. It has defined itself by the way it sees itself as separate from God and others, and by its own self-created world of beliefs, intellectual thinking habits, and emotional habit patterns, together making up its subjective sense of reality. This sense of separation is not the same as experiencing oneself as a unique being, still having a sense of oneness with God, and with all other beings because they are created by God.

In its quest for security and comfortability, the ego will usually seek to validate itself by adopting some consciousness which is shared among others collectively in terms of having similar beliefs and values, in which it can find validation for the structure it has built in making up itself. The ego can not find validation through inner connection with its spiritual source, because it has none, so it will have to seek outer validation instead. This outer validation can be served by participating in a collective consciousness.

A collective consciousness is basically a consciousness that is shared by a group of people, who have agreed on specific conventions or rules in terms of beliefs or behavior that they can conform to automatically without further reflection, that they have accepted as the norm within their group or society in order to appear "normal" in their interactions. Many of these conventional ways of behaving are designed to make life easier when dealing with other people's egos, and are often very useful and convenient to use as a standard for this purpose.

In addition to aligning themselves with some collective consciousness to find validation and security, many people go a step further, and also choose to go with what the majority thinks in some or most aspects of their lives. This is the easiest path from the point of view of the ego. It first adopts the belief that the majority is right. It can then relax and adopt the further belief that it must be right because it is aligned with what the majority believes or represents. Making this general choice will relieve people from the extra work of using their own discernment when dealing with every little situation. They just have to follow what others have defined already.

We know that the spiritual path does not consist of aligning oneself with others, or with any humanly created standards or collective consciousness. It consists of aligning oneself with ultimate Reality, or God, and will require ability to become completely independent of what others think or believe. It will even require ability to question our own beliefs, and replace those that are based on illusions. The Christ consciousness is the consciousness that by definition is in complete alignment with ultimate Reality, and this is what we need to realize in ourselves to fulfill our spiritual path.

Discernment is a central aspect of Christ consciousness. Discernment does not accept anything at face value, and is not fooled by appearances. It does not buy into the illusion that the majority must be right. It is willing to question anything to find what is really true. There is really nothing that can't be looked into deeper to find some significant truth that may have been overlooked before. Even material science has proved this fact. We know that we already do use discernment in many areas of our lives. What we need to watch out for is areas where we let down our discernment, where we have chosen to let pre-defined beliefs be our only guideline.

So, cultivating discernment is a fundamental aspect of the spiritual path for teenagers, as it is for anyone. Teenagers are already becoming quite competent in using discernment along with development of their logical thinking skills, especially when dealing with material conditions. What they need most guidance in, is developing skills and courage to use discernment where it is not commonly used. It is very easy to pick up from others habits of accepting specific conditions as they are, without question.

One of the most important spiritual principles we can teach our teenagers, is that it is okay, and even necessary to be able to look closer at, and question anything. Nothing is taboo. If we are good examples for our youth here, and show them that we are not afraid to take accepted concepts and beliefs into more consideration, and be willing to question the validity of these, then they will dare to do so as well. If they see that adults dare to stand on their own with God, regardless of what others think, they will see validity in this as well. They will become more alert, and hesitate less to question what they see and even themselves. They will be more willing to even question the collective consciousness which says "teenagers are cool if they do this or are like this", which they often see as their greatest security. They will find that they will still have good friends even if they dare to do this.

On the other hand, if teenagers see that adults seek the status quo of their own collective consciousness, they will be influenced to adapt to the same behavior pattern, at least as they grow older and may want to fit into the adult world. Before they do, we can actually often find, when we deal with teenagers, that they already question many conditions that adults in some cases have accepted as settled matters.

In claiming their independence from their parents, we can of course also observe that teenagers sometimes become unbalanced, and overdo their questioning of adults. It's part of their learning. And, sometimes they question for the sake of questioning, to play games with us, or as an expression of rebellion. Obviously, these types of behaviors need to be addressed for what they are. If questioning or challenge is not coming from discernment, but rather from the carnal mind or ego, or with intent to put down or to cause division or disorder, it is not sincere. Instead of playing along in these games, we instead go after the reason for those behaviors.

As children grow up to become teenagers, we often find that they don't actively seek our company like they did as little children. They need their space and independence. However, even if they sometimes may seem withdrawn, this doesn't mean that they don't appreciate being approached. If we accept all their outer behaviors at face value, they may feel that we don't make much effort to get to know them. On the other hand, they will feel that we really care if we at times dare to challenge what they display, and are able to see through the games that they sometimes play. This needs of course to be done in a way that they still feel that we care about them. Teenagers often enjoy playing with illusions as a way of learning in life, or do it in order to hide from reality, but they are often quick to, and appreciate, coming back to reality when prompted.

So, we teach teenagers that genuine questioning or challenge must be done sincerely, with intent to understand more, or intent to help or improve some condition. Our example here will be their best teacher. This will be particularly crucial when it comes to questioning or challenging conditions in their own consciousness. When we see some belief or concept they have adopted that they need to address, first by questioning its validity, and then by looking for an alternative, it is crucial for them to feel our solid support. In addition to the foundation we have built to make this possible, there are some principles that can be helpful to use.

First, if a person can question their condition themselves, a lot of the work is already done. Otherwise, if they perceive us as the main force questioning them, their ego will often react negatively, and put itself in the way, thereby clouding their discernment. So, often just a simple question, conveying a sense of mutual understanding, without value judgment, will often be all it takes to help them look at the issue themselves, and take care of it. Sometimes they may just say something with the intent to give us the right answer, or to please us, without being willing to consider it, but we will usually soon find out if this is the case, and we can address the issue again. The mere action of making a statement reflecting what is valid does promote learning. But we will likely find that in most cases they are ready to come up higher with just little pointers, if approached with respect and understanding.

Second, when dealing with a behavior that a person may identify themselves with, and thereby is of a sensitive nature to them, it is helpful to do so as a matter of fact, focusing on the issue itself rather than focusing on the fact that the other person has to "learn" what is right, or that our purpose is to teach them something. If they see validity in it they will take what we say into account, and they will be more likely to do so if they feel they have the option to do so, rather than feeling that someone tries to push it on them. If we address something using heavy value judgment, they will likely be on guard and give a standardized answer that sounds good in order to protect themselves. That outer performance will take their attention away from what the reality is of their inner condition expressing itself as the behavior, and it will be more difficult for us to address this, which should be our highest priority. If an issue is of a serious nature, we can convey this message anyway by addressing it in detail.

In general, in all our work with others, it is helpful to approach them from a perspective and sense of commonness of purpose and interest. This will promote the consciousness of non-duality, or Oneness, which is an aspect of Christ consciousness. If we address limitations in others' views and beliefs, they will be more open to us if we convey the message that it is in their own interest, or in a common interest, for them to overcome a certain limitation. We don't try to help them because it's primarily in our interest. We need to avoid polarizations of interest, which tend to create opposite poles, like "me" versus "you", "I am right" and "you are wrong" etc. That type of duality consciousness will take them right into their ego.

If a person is in harmony and balance, these ways of approach will often be all it takes for them to be open to reason, and be willing to come up higher. However, if someone is in imbalance, often by being influenced by some powerful emotion that temporarily clouds their reason (Christ mind), like despair, fear, anger, defiance, intoxication, or euphoria, then a much firmer and more direct approach is usually necessary for them to be able to listen. We may have to use strong voice and expression, sometimes together with action, in order for them to see through what clouds their mind at the moment. In situations where we are in a position of responsibility, as parents or teachers, a firm approach will include setting specific conditions for them, as necessary. It's of course up to us to still be in complete balance here, and be non-partial in our view and approach.

So, in our personal work with others, our discernment will enable us to see and understand what the optimum method of approach will be in any individual case and situation, for them to learn best. We need to transcend the mechanical approach to "go by the book" with people, to use the same standard approach with everybody when it comes to our actual interaction with them. What will help one learn best will not be identical to what will help another, and what will work best in one situation will be different from what will work in another. The spiritual path is unique for everyone.

 

6. The Spiritual Bond Between Teacher and Student

— Significance of Guiding our Teenagers Spiritually

On the spiritual path, for optimum learning and progress to take place, there is a special relationship, or bond, that can be established between someone who is embodying and teaching spiritual principles and skills (the teacher), and the one who is learning (the student). In some traditions, this has also been called the Guru-Chela relationship. In any situation where we have working relationships with teenagers, like being a parent, or in any school setting, there needs to be a certain measure of a spiritual teacher-student relationship in effect. This relationship does not necessitate that there is formal teaching taking place of specific subjects in a traditional sense.

The main responsibility of a spiritual teacher is to always love, honor, inspire and guide the student to come up higher in consciousness, to grow in alignment with his or her Christ Self. The teacher will also provide the proper directions and guidelines for their mutual work. We know that children who are loved and honored will respond with joy, inspiration and enthusiasm.

These qualities will form a bond between teacher and student that will provide the foundation for all the growth and work that the teacher envisions the student to accomplish. This bond will provide an open door of Oneness in Christ between the consciousness of the teacher and that of the student. The student is open and inspired to partake of what the teacher is teaching, and the student is not afraid of sharing him/herself with the teacher. The teacher is hereby free to deal with any issue in the student's consciousness, and can provide a broader and more realistic view on it for the student's benefit. This is a personal way of learning life's lessons, and has always been part of real spiritual schools as the optimum way to promote spiritual progress.

But, most importantly, the bond of love between a spiritual teacher and the student provides a protected environment, which in itself will encourage and inspire the student to stay within, or even exceed the teacher's standards and expectations. There will seldom be any need to use outer rules to enforce "good" behaviors.

However, if the bond of love between teacher and student becomes too weak, the student will feel unprotected, and he or she will be prone to seek other attachments, which will represent lower standards than the Christ consciousness, and which will make a teenager more dependent on peer pressure etc. If the motivation and inspiration to be aligned with the teacher is lacking, behaviors will deviate from the teacher's standards, and there will be more need for using outer rules for enforcement of behaviors. The less of a bond of love that is present between teacher and student, the more outer rules will be necessary. This will be an impersonal way of learning life's lessons instead of personal, and is often called the hard way of learning life's lessons. It is obvious that this way is not optimal for the (spiritual) growth of anybody.

Now, it is also part of the spiritual teacher-student relationship that, as the student matures spiritually, it needs to make it's own choices more and more independently, and learn to become gradually more independent of the teacher. The purpose of this relationship is not to create co-dependence, but instead to help the student become self-sufficient spiritually, so it can deal with life successfully based on its own experience and strength. A spiritual teacher knows when it's right to let the student be on its own, and when it's not.

In this information age, some are becoming concerned that we are losing our youth, referring to the trend where teenagers are immersing themselves more and more in online and other means of interactions with peers of similar age, often to the exclusion of their parents and family. It is not healthy spiritually for teenagers to develop closer bonds with their peers than with their parents and family. It will undermine the main responsibility of the family to function as primary support and caretaker. Authors like Neufeld are recognizing this and the need to "gather" our children and youth.

The wealth of information and freedom of communication available in today's society can obviously be used for constructive purposes to aid our spiritual evolution. However, at the same time, the wealth of material things and ways of entertainment that comes with it can create big distractions from what are the real values and purposes of life. If these serve to create bonds and attachments for teenagers (and others) at the cost of family and parental bonding, then society is not serving them spiritually.

Children and teenagers have not yet fully developed their own inner guidance where they make choices primarily based on what they see as the highest purpose of their lives, or based on what they see as most beneficial for themselves or others in a larger perspective. They usually seek what they find enjoyable and inspiring in the moment. It is the adults' responsibility to monitor and guide our teenagers in how they involve themselves in the world and with each other. Having unlimited and indiscriminate access to means of communication and engagement in material things and entertainment will not be beneficial for teenagers spiritually. All the bonds and attachments created by those involvements will weaken the influence their parents and other caring adults can have in their lives. Teenagers can become lost spiritually if their consciousness and attention becomes saturated with desires and attachments that obscure attention on spiritual values in life.

It is essential for adults, and especially for parents, to see themselves as caretakers of our youth, not just materially, but spiritually as well. This includes overseeing and monitoring their engagements and environment from a perspective of what is beneficial for them spiritually. It includes overseeing and monitoring what worldly and social attachments they develop, and working with them to manage those attachments so they can grow in spiritual independence and Christ consciousness.

For this reason, there must be present a certain measure of spiritual teacher-student relationship, as described above, between parents and their teenage son or daughter in particular, but also between adults and teenagers that interact otherwise as well. Teenagers are not yet ready spiritually to deal with all the so-called temptations available in the world, so it is the responsibility of adults to understand this and monitor what conditions young people will encounter in life. It is the responsibility of adults to work with young people and guide them when they deal with specific conditions, when it comes to forming new attachments to material things, pleasures and relationships to other people.

Young people need a protective environment, not just materially, but spiritually as well. This protective environment is provided by the love and guidance present in a spiritual teacher-student relationship. This love and guidance will strengthen our youth when they are dealing with the outer worldly environment. Love and guidance does not mean being with them all the time in interaction or communication. It includes staying away as well, so they can become spiritually independent by making their own choices and gaining their own experience, as said above. A spiritual teacher knows what outer conditions the students are ready to encounter, and will make such conditions available when they are ready. Teenagers will have to learn to deal with life on their own, but they can only do so successfully if their own inner spiritual foundation has been built first.

If young people are left without sufficient care and guidance in these aspects of their lives, we are guilty of spiritual neglect of our youth. Responsible adults in our society, lawmakers and creators of products and services, must understand this, and use discernment in what products and services are created to appeal to young people, and what will be available to them. And, parents and other adults, must involve themselves actively in teenagers' lives to inspire them to make healthy choices spiritually. If we understand and observe the principles discussed before, about how to treat, work with, inspire, and connect with teenagers, this is not a "big task", but is rather an enjoyable and rewarding way to use our time and energy.

 

7. Oneness in Christ to Resolve Dualistic Divisions

— Overcoming Polarizations Between Teenagers and Adults

Some of the greatest motivators in life are Joy, Inspiration and Love. These are God qualities. We can often clearly see these forces at work in children and young people. These forces are strong guides and motivators in their whole approach to life. Young people are eager to learn and interact with others and their environment when they have fun, are inspired and loved. They are also motivated to do so-called "work" when they are guided by these forces.

In a society where outer and material considerations are given the highest priority, there will be a tendency to use logical reasoning and the rational mind to a very large extent in order to satisfy these considerations. If the general approach to life becomes unbalanced, so the spiritual aspects are given too low priority, and cultivation of qualities like Joy, Inspiration and Love are neglected, there will develop a certain sense of struggle and arduousness. Such energies are not of God, and are instinctively rejected by children and young people, because they haven't yet accepted them as part of their lives.

If teenagers observe adults, and get the picture that "work" is associated with arduousness, or that adults are really more interested in work than in spending time with them, they will be more likely to polarize their preferences in opposition, and seek other types of activities that they associate with "having fun". If that is the case, they will find more reason to engage with their peers instead. On the other hand, if teenagers find that adults are more guided by Joy, Inspiration and Love, even in their work, and are interested in spending time with them, they will find it enjoyable to interact with them.

Next, we can find that in adult life there are lots of unwritten "rules" of behavior that we tend to adhere to in our interactions, that we have accepted as the norm in our society, in order to appear "normal" and to follow agreed on conventions. The total aggregate of these conventions is a collective consciousness, which is shared by most adults, at least within a given culture, and which most of us have learned to conform to without thinking.

Many ways of interaction are valid when it comes to showing respect for example. But there are also many formalities that have been developed out of necessity from the perspective of the human ego, to create less friction when cooperating with other people's egos, and to appease their egos to gain favors. Habits of interaction have been created for the purpose of not disturbing other people's egos, even if there could be need to, or to display oneself in a favorable way in front of others rather than showing what is real. Habits like these are of a lower level than the Christ consciousness.

Teenagers can often see this clearly, and instinctively feel that they don't want to join in, if they haven't yet adopted these types of habits. They still have relatively fresh minds, and can often see what they would call fake appearances much better than those who are involved in them. They can sometimes be more open to ultimate truth and reality, and may experience some adults as "boxed in" by the rigidity of the rules they have created, and see these rules as limitations. If this happens, teenagers will be more likely to associate with their peers instead, who they feel they understand better.

Next, considering ways of communication, if teenagers find that adults communicate with them most of the time when they have some announcement to make, if there is some behavior to correct, or if they ask them to do something specific, then they will perceive that these adults' main purpose of interaction with them is to carry out some agenda that they have. This will not inspire to interaction from the teenagers' point of view. On the other hand, if teenagers find that adults most of the time communicate with them with the intent to share views and thoughts, and are genuinely interested in what is happening in their world, then they can find it inspiring to interact with them.

Factors like the ones mentioned above will contribute to the image teenagers will get of how adults think and function. At the same time, we have to recognize that children and young people are not mature enough to take on or understand many legitimate responsibilities in life. And, there are obviously many valid principles in life and in interactions that teenagers may reject because they are not yet ready, or because they may lack willingness to accept them. So, there are usually several aspects involved.

However, factors like these, partly caused by adults' views and behaviors, can nevertheless cause teenagers to feel that there are differences between the generations that work against a sense of mutual connection. Added to this is the fact that many unique processes happen in the body and mind of teenagers, relating to puberty and growth, which are new and often cause confusion. At the same time, they are also aware that they are leaving the world of being "little kids", and can therefore sometimes feel like being in "no man's land".

So, in order to feel validation, there will often be a strong tendency for teenagers to seek each other's company, and to participate in a "spirit" that reflects their general way of seeing life and the world. This is a form of collective consciousness, just like the adult version is. If a soul doesn't have a strong enough tie to its Christ Self, and puts this relation above its human interactions in importance, then there is a strong tendency for the soul to, in order to have some sense of security, slip into a human personality which is in alignment with some aspect of collective consciousness that others adhere to as well. (As said, the Christ consciousness does not adhere to or limit itself to any humanly defined norms. It is in complete alignment with what is True and Real, or of God.) So, especially in teenagers, we often see a strong desire to have a sense of belonging by conforming to outer standards and appearances, like styles of clothing, hair styles etc.

We can see that teenagers seek to create their own "teen culture" which is a reflection of that "spirit", or collective consciousness. If they feel controlled, neglected or not accepted, they may even desire to emphasize themselves and their own "spirit" in a rebellious way, even by causing destruction directed against adults or others they have polarized themselves against. These types of behaviors can be a way of showing that they also have power to do what they want. Behaviors like these are unbalanced expressions of the ego, trying to emphasize itself at the cost of others.

However, everyone is responsible for their own behavior, which originates in the consciousness of the individual who displays it. So, outer conditions should not be seen as excuses, just as contributing factors. And, some lifestreams already have inner conditions that they display as destructive behaviors even without contributing current outer conditions. It's our responsibility to help them overcome these conditions.

What is needed to overcome schisms between teen and adult ways of thinking, approaches to life, and cultures, as well as between nations, is that all people open up to the reality of their Christ consciousness, are willing to look critically on their self-created rules and beliefs, and are willing to set some of their human preferences aside, for the sake of Oneness in Christ between all. The meaning of Oneness here is a state of consciousness that considers and cares about others as we do for ourselves, and does not mean human oneness, or sameness in outer appearances or values. We can appreciate others even if they are different, and we can appreciate uniqueness and originality. Oneness in Christ will inspire young people to interact with old people, and Muslims to interact with Christians. It will inspire Republicans and Democrats to go together to find the best solutions for a nation and a world, instead of fighting between each other for who will be in power. It will inspire people to end all wars.

Giving preference to the principle of Oneness in Christ in all interactions will promote growth above the level of the ego in all, including teenagers. In dealing with these issues, it will be up to us adults to provide the inspiration and be the role models on behalf of our younger generation. If teenagers feel that adults are "with them", meaning that they understand and accept them unconditionally, they are often very quick to open up and respond back in an honest way. They are still very adaptable at a young age. We know that children who are loved and honored will respond with joy, inspiration and enthusiasm.