Children's Needs

WHAT ARE THE NEEDS OF CHILDREN?

by Jan Hjalmarsson

In the sciences of psychology it is usually recognized that there is a hierarchy of needs in life that human beings have, from more basic and survival-oriented, to more refined or enhanced needs. The logic here is that, if the more basic needs are not satisfied for a human being, then the focus will be on satisfying them, and there will not be awareness of the higher, or more refined needs. As an example, someone who is under physical threat, needs to satisfy the need for survival and safety first and foremost, and will not be aware of the need for esteem, or affection, in that situation.

For the purposes of this site, the spiritual needs of children, and their significance, will be addressed in more detail than the other needs, which are mostly well acknowledged and addressed adequately in our modern society.

Physiological Needs

1. Children have first and foremost physiological needs for their body. These consist of conditions like food, sleep, ambient temperature, activity, and physical safety. These needs ensure that the physical body can function adequately for an individual. Without them being satisfied, their physical body will suffer, or not survive. 

Safety Needs

2. Next there are the safety and stability needs, in terms of physical and emotional safety, order, structure, limits, security, stability, and protection. The conditions that are necessary to satisfy these needs are both of a physical and emotional nature. They address the necessity for the continuation and sustainability of life for an individual. Without them being satisfied, life will be too stressful for a child, either physically or emotionally. We know that children need a safe and stable environment to develop harmoniously.

Social and Esteem Needs

3. Then we have the needs that directly address an individual as a person. These needs are at the level of the identity, in that the way they are satisfied, or not satisfied, will first and foremost affect a person's sense of self, or how they identify themselves. A person's sense of self will then in turn affect their spiritual growth, which is addressed under spiritual needs, below.

Needs at the level of the identity are of two types. First there are the esteem needs, which have to do with one's own person. They consist of self-confidence, sense of worth, strength, capability, adequacy, and usefulness. Then there are the social needs, such as love and affection in interaction, and belonging to a family, a group or a nation. 

The conditions under which these needs are satisfied, or not satisfied, will determine how individuals will identify themselves, in relation to themselves, others, and to the environment. If needs at the identity level are not satisfied adequately for a child, its sense of identity will suffer directly. We know that all children need to develop self-esteem, and be loved and appreciated, in order to find wholeness in themselves, and to build an integrated identity. When they find wholeness in themselves, they will also have the best opportunity for spiritual growth.

Spiritual Needs

4. Lastly we have spiritual needs of an individual. They include conditions or aspects of spiritual growth or fulfillment. Without them being supported, spiritual growth will be impeded. These needs directly address and support an individual's function and growth as a spiritual being. As a result of this, they will also affect a person's identity, or sense of self. These needs are of such fundamental nature that they are often taken for granted. However, if they are not satisfied, individuals will suffer spiritually. 

Since there is sometimes not enough awareness of human beings as spiritual beings, some of these needs are also sometimes overlooked, for example when it comes to teaching children at school, or in raising children at home. Children usually openly and actively display and seek to have these needs satisfied in several ways, but sometimes they are not seen as significant, and are dealt with in ways that seem convenient for practical reasons, rather than being addressed to serve the child in the best way.

There are several needs at the spiritual level:

* Interaction with Life

This includes interaction with the environment in general, and communication and connection with others. The social needs of interaction with others can be included here, but this spiritual need is more fundamental in nature. This need is more than a social need, and addresses an individual's need in general to connect with what is more than, or outside of, the individual itself. It addresses an individual's quest to integrate oneself with the All, or with all life, or with God. Learning is included in this integration with what is more than oneself, but interaction is needed for the process itself, even if learning is not the goal.

In children, this need for interaction and engagement with their environment, is seen in almost every moment. We seldom see a child not being focused on what is outside themselves. Obviously, children's interactions are not always constructive for them, so we need to help them direct their interaction to what can serve them well. However, the point is, that children's need for interaction can not be turned off, because it's part of their spiritual nature. For example, telling children in a group to be quiet doesn't in itself make them quiet, unless there is motivation for them to override their natural need for interaction.

* Learning about Life

All human beings have this inborn quest, to want to learn and understand more about life. In children it is expressed as a natural curiosity toward everything. For adults, the desire to learn is often specialized, or re-directed into areas that are chosen for specific purposes, like work or profession. If they can create a reasonably stable and comfortable life for themselves, adults often get the sense that they know enough, are past the learning stage, and limit or curb their general openness to learn about life. If they do, they will also limit their spiritual growth. 

And, obviously, if we limit children's desire to learn about life, for example by discouraging them from asking unconventional or challenging questions, or by discouraging them from approaching their learning in a creative way, then we hinder their potential for spiritual growth as well. On the other hand, we can be good examples to children by showing them our own enthusiasm to learn about all aspects of life. In school, it's crucial for students that their experience appeals to their curiosity about life, so they can be inspired to learn. The best learning comes from inspiration to learn, not from a sense of duty to learn.

* Exercising One's Free Will

All human beings have been given free will, to make choices, by nature. The purpose of free will is to learn how to make relevant choices. People are creative beings by nature, and to be creative, one will have to make choices, by using one's free will. This is the primary means for humans to learn about life. Learning will only be internalized if it is achieved as a result of one's own actions and experience.

This is as important for children as it is for adults. It is understood that there are specific choices in the lives of children that adults need to make for them. This applies especially for younger children. However, as they get older, it is crucial for their spiritual growth, that they are guided and inspired to make educated choices themselves, as they are able to, instead of just being told what to do. This applies as well in education, so they can take responsibility for their learning.

* Being Creative

Children are creative beings by nature, as all human beings are, in using their free will to make things happen according to what they envision. As such they find joy and they grow in being creative. Being creative means making their own choices and using their own discernment in how to act in a situation or perform an activity, for the best outcome. As we know, a central aspect of spiritual growth consists of sharpening our discernment by learning to make better choices, in a creative way. In this way knowledge and skills are internalized.

The main reason students find school boring is because of lack of creative involvement. Lack of creative involvement, in making relevant choices, results in lack of responsibility on the part of the students. On the other hand, if children, as students at school, and in other situations, are given opportunity to find creative solutions to the situations they are facing, as they are able to, then they can take more responsibility as well. In this way children are working in alignment with their spiritual nature, which is inspiring and enjoyable for them. Creative learning is addressed further in another document on this site.

* Expressing Oneself

A vital aspect of building one's identity is to express this identity. An identity can not be manifested without being expressed. So, for our purpose here, an individual needs to express what it learns in terms of spiritual growth. If understanding and knowledge is not expressed, or acted upon, then it is not fully internalized either. The internalization, or growing into, new levels of self-actualization, can only happen when it is applied as expression in life. However, expression doesn't need to be verbal, it can take place in any action.

To be observed here is that, self-expression must be balanced with discernment. So, not all self-expression will help someone to grow spiritually. If it's not based on one's good intentions, which originate from one's spiritual nature, then expression can detract from spiritual growth instead. Expression is a solidification of consciousness. So, for example, egotistical expressions, or expressions based on addictions, are not helpful. Such expressions would just solidify what condition of consciousness they originate from. However, they serve as important indications, so the reason for their expression can be addressed. 

With children and youth, our best help is to give them proper response to their expressions, so they can learn from them, about themselves, and how they affect others. Suppressing expression is usually not helpful, because it prevents a person from getting feedback on their state of consciousness, and should only be used when necessary in rare cases. Spiritual growth can usually happen best when there is opportunity for open expression and learning from it.

* Receiving Response and Feedback

All human beings need to get feedback from others and from their environment, in the form of consequences of their actions, so they can learn to make relevant choices in life. The environment itself usually provides adequate feedback to anyone, when dealing with it, but such feedback can in some cases be too costly, or come too late, if an individual hasn't learned beforehand what will happen as a result from a certain action. That's why we teach children, for example, that stoves are hot.

So, for our purposes here, it's the feedback from others, especially from parents and teachers, that will be most important for children, to learn the consequences of what they do. If children are ignored, or not told how their actions affect others, then they can not learn how to make better choices. It's important that adults are good examples in this, and always respond to each other, and to children, in an open and honest way. Discernment is obviously important here, in that feedback is sometimes needed even if others don't ask for it, and sometimes it can be best to withhold it, so they can learn by themselves.

* Guidance and Support

For spiritual growth and fulfillment, all people need others who can guide them spiritually when they need it. This is the case especially for children and youth. For them, it will be mostly their parents and teachers who will function in this way for them. Parents and caretakers essentially function as spiritual teachers in this way, having responsibility for their spiritual welfare and growth. At the same time, anyone can obviously give guidance and support to someone in any given moment, when it is needed. 

In general, children and youth need others to affirm their strengths and potential, and to encourage and inspire them to do their best and to be all they can be. If others see the best in them, they will be greatly helped to live up to this view. Personal support from others of what is good and true in them is crucial in order for them to find and embrace these qualities inside themselves. This is especially important if they express behavior that is less than our accepted standards. In such situations, this behavior is addressed, and the conditions of consciousness that cause such behavior are resolved, while they are still upheld in our view as fundamentally good beings that are always worthy of our love.

Another important aspect of support is a supportive environment. Children and youth need an environment that will support their spiritual growth. This environment will include structure and rules, as necessary. The family itself has this primary purpose and responsibility, to provide such an environment for them. Therefore, it's crucial for children that the integrity of the family is maintained, and that the family's role in this regard is recognized and supported. The school children are attending is also intended to serve as an environment for their spiritual growth. At the same time, love and guidance can be provided by anyone who is with children and youth, including their friends, and this love and guidance serves in itself as a supportive environment spiritually for them. 

* Safety and Protection

There is consensus that young people need safety, in terms of physical and emotional protection. However, as spiritual beings, they also need spiritual safety and protection. There are many elements of the outer world that can distract and detract from spiritual growth. If discernment is not used, and children and youth are allowed, for example, indiscriminate access to, and engagement in, electronic games, or other forms of media intended to capture their attention, it is possible that their minds or emotions can be saturated with desires for such things, and they can become lost spiritually. 

What does it mean to become lost spiritually? It means to lose one's bearings in life, in terms of connection to one's spiritual being, from where self-direction, creativity, discernment and sense of responsibility comes. If this connection becomes obscured by artificial desires or addictions to various forms of outer stimulation of the mind, emotions, or body, then one's life will lose spiritual significance, and there will be a focus on satisfying those desires instead of finding motivation to do essential things in life. More guidance and direction is then needed from the outside, by parents, teachers or authorities.

In addition, there needs to be a general awareness of how specific activities affect children spiritually. This includes activities that they initiate themselves. For example, if activities reflect themes that promote desecration of life in any form, then they will affect and influence children likewise, to absorb and incorporate such themes into their consciousness. For example, violent video games will plant seeds of violence in a child's mind that will in one form or another seek expression in outer action. It is the responsibility of adults to guide young people to find interest and inspiration in activities that affirm life-enhancing themes, in order for them to be guided in the right direction spiritually.

Relationships with others need to be monitored as well by caretakers of children and youth, so that such relationships will be healthy for them spiritually. It is the responsibility of adults to provide an environment in general for young people, in all aspects of their lives, that will affirm fundamental, life-enhancing values.

* Structure and Rules

It was mentioned before that order and stability are important for children to develop harmoniously, and to avoid stress in their life. These conditions are also important for spiritual reasons. For anyone to learn, there needs to be an outer framework and structure to work in, where one can learn to use one's creative power constructively. Such a framework includes principles, rules and limitations. 

For children, their primary framework of structure will be their home and school. For our purpose here, we will address the spiritual aspects of outer structure, in the form of principles and rules. As we know, people need to be governed by outer principles, rules and laws, to the extent that they don't embody those principles within themselves. This is the purpose of rules for children as well. They need them as outer guidelines and limitations to guide and protect them, until they have internalized them in themselves.

However, it is as important to recognize that children and youth, and all people, are spiritual beings, who are potentially able to embody all principles of life from within themselves. When they embody a specific principle, an outer rule addressing this principle will no longer be necessary to dictate to a person how to act or behave. It is crucial for children to learn this application of outer rules, so they can be motivated to learn to govern themselves more, and being less dependent on having to be governed by others or by outer rules.

* Examples in Others

It is particularly important for children and youth to see and experience good examples in others. Most of their learning in how to be and act in life comes from others' examples, not what they are told. Much of today's culture promotes examples of success that are based on outer standards, such as material wealth, popular trends or ways to display oneself, or standards promoting the human ego. There is an over-emphasis on such standards, as if they in themselves are the sources of happiness and meaning in life. As, we know, the reality of life is different.

What children and youth need for their spiritual growth is to see examples in others of spiritual maturity, so they can see and learn from them. They need to see that real success in life is a result of consciousness, and not of outer conditions as such. It's important for them to see others who choose to embody high consciousness in the form of understanding, motivation and responsibility, as examples, and then see that such choices will give them success and positions in life that will give more freedom of choice. Low consciousness, in the form of lack of motivation and lack of responsibility, will restrict one's freedom and success in life. It's important for children and youth to learn that true fulfillment and happiness are spiritual conditions, that come from within, and are the result of one's own choices.

* Self-transcendence

In essence, this means to grow, to become More. Growth is the essence of life. In a spiritual sense it means to develop one's sense of identity, develop more skills, become smarter, get more knowledge, more wisdom, develop more ability to love and feel, etc. Physical growth is also part of self-transcendence, especially for children.

We know that self-transcendence is very central in the lives of children and young people. They will transcend themselves spontaneously. We only need to allow them to, and help them to do so in ways that will serve them well. A lot of children's attention is focused on how to become more in various ways, in doing more cool things, and in learning new, interesting skills. All these new skills, habits, and attachments will be part of the identity they build for themselves. They are often up to all types of challenges for the purpose of expanding their sense of self. As adults, our main responsibility is to guide them, and provide good role models for them in what it means to become More, and to help them find interest in learning what is good for them.

Part of self-transcendence is also to be able to see oneself in a new light, and to see new possibilities in what one is able to. So, there can be situations where children have experienced blame, disappointments, or in other ways taken on a limiting image of themselves, which make them feel like a failure in certain ways. In cases like this, they need guidance and encouragement to transcend such a limiting self-image, so they can again feel up to taking on what they need to in their life.

* Limitlessness

This is the real nature of humans as spiritual beings. If they are tuned in to this nature, they will always seek to go beyond any limits that seek to restrict them in any way, whether such limits are imposed on them from other people, or from the environment in general. Children usually actively seek freedom from limitations in obvious ways in most of what they do, while adults for the most part have learned to accept certain limitations as workable compromises in their life.

We know that freedom and less limits must be balanced by order and structure in order to be useful. So, obviously, children can not be given more freedom than they can use constructively. However, for their spiritual growth, they also need to be given freedom and responsibility to the extent that they are able to use it well. And, it's important for them that we hold the vision for them, and let them know, that there is no limit to what they can achieve and become.

* Self-actualization or Self-realization

This means to become all one can be. This will include to know oneself as this. At higher levels it will include self-mastery. As we know, there is no limit, spiritually, to what individuals can become, unless they set it for themselves. In a spiritual sense, self-actualization means development of one's being in alignment with all principles that are universally life-enhancing. To be life-enhancing means that such principles will affirm Oneness, or general commonness in purpose between all beings. It doesn't mean development of egotistical traits, which are not part of an individual's spiritual being. On the other hand, it is precisely traits that are non-life-enhancing that will inhibit self-actualization for an individual. Non-life-enhancing traits affirm separation between beings, in purpose, and cause conflicts, divisions, and wars.

Children need to be inspired to develop qualities which will serve them well in a universal sense, which will mean that such qualities will serve everyone they interact with as well. This will help them to work toward their own self-actualization. Note the word inspired here. If children feel imposed upon, in what they are expected to become, they will usually not be able or motivated to embrace it, or making it as part of themselves. And if they are, what they become will not be a natural part of themselves.

Qualities that are important to cultivate as part of an individual's self-actualization can include: caring, commitment, courage, creativity, determination, discernment, excellence, fairness, friendliness, gratitude, helpfulness, honesty, independence, joyfulness, kindness, originality, patience, reliability, respect, responsibility, and self-government, just to mention a few.

Some of these qualities are often seen as a person being born with them. For example, we may see generosity, self-discipline or empathy as qualities a person has to what extent they do, as inborn qualities. However, if we see all people as spiritual, potentially limitless beings, then it follows that they can acquire any quality in any amount, if they so desire, and work for it. All it takes is application. The application part is what is often overlooked, and often focus is kept on following convenient habits instead of spiritual growth. So, if we want to help our young members of society, then we work with them to become all they can be, even if this will take a lot of extra time and effort. But it will be well worth it. And, they will be forever grateful.